Love

Why is it that we can take so many risks in life but the one risk we are hesitant in taking is love? For weeks this question has been haunting me. I am finally in this place where I feel happy, but the one thing that immediately brings me down from this high is the famous "what if" question. I swear, if there is any question that I could take out of the English language it would be that question. In high school it was "What if i don't get asked to prom? What if I don't sit next to the hot guy in the cafeteria? What if I don't get one of those plastic crowns at the formal dance?" Now, we ask ourselves questions like "What if I screw up this opportunity? What if this chance never comes up again? What if I second guess myself? What if I follow my heart instead of my head? I can guarantee you that most of these questions have passed through your mind when thinking about love and relationships. These questions haven't crossed my mind as much as they use to but they have tonight...all for one reason.

Every episode that I have watched there is some life lesson at the end of it. And in some odd way I find myself relating it back to whatever is going on in my life. This week the lesson was about love. Do you take the risk? Do you fight for the risk? Or do you just go throughout life not telling people what is truly bothering you until you have a nervous break down? The last couple of weeks I have been carrying around a question. I have prayed about it, and got an answer in the form of an awesome, fantastic, super sweet friend named Sadie (love you Sadie...FYI she shares in my obsession with Grey's). But I am still pondering the idea if I want to be vulnerable and jump off the cliff for love. Do I talk? Or take the vow of silence? Eventually, I will take the jump and have someone to catch my fall. Hopefully, it will be in the shape of someone that looks the Dr. McSteamy/The Rock/ Justin Timberlake. But until then I have amazing, gorgeous friends and I have Grey's.

My Hero

I don't think that I could have a better role model than my mom. Through the last couple of months she has been the strongest person ever. I didn't even think that a person could have that much strength. I never imagined I would be going through such a life changing experience with my mom so early in my life. People are soooo right when they say the circle of life comes back to your parents. Your parents take care of you and then you take care of your parents. My mom is the rock of our family. Our family could have shut down and dwelled on the situation at hand, but we decided to raise from it and always have faith. If anything I know see how much my mom does for our family: cooks, cleans, works, and still finds time to spend quality time with all of us. I am proud to say that I am my mother's daughter and can only hope that I will have the same relationship with my daughter. I LOVE YOU MOM!!

Land of the Midnight Sun

So Alaska was AMAZING! I was a little apprehensive of leaving home at first, but being there really made me see that I want/need to get out of Vegas. I need a drastic change from the life that I am use to living. Alaska was soo beautiful. I usually can not sit in one place for too long, but I was content sitting on the patio just looking at the mountains, reading, feeling so calm and relaxed. Jon and I went to Talkeetna on the train, which was fun. And being the Vegas/California girl that I am didn't think about wearing tennis shoes to a lodge in the mountains. Just my luck, it rained and rained and rained the whole time, and my feet were cold. LOL

The three days to myself were actually relaxing. I don't think I have felt so domesticated in my life. Laundry, cooking, and cleaning for 72 hours...and I liked it. I think I will be an excellent housewife if I do say so myself. If you know someone, don't hesitate to call. Because I am not waiting around forever. :) Anyway, the next couple of days hiking and laughing and getting used to the sun never going down was fun. Fishing had to be the highlight of the week. We had to drive six hours from Wasilla to Homer, which was fun and tiring and annoying when all you want to to sleep, but it was all worth it. Sleeping in an RV was an experienced, especially when you are sleeping on a bed meant for a toddler. But it was fun. Jon and I laughed for a good five minutes at the fact that both of us are trying to fit on this "bed." But it forced him to cuddle with me. JK.

All in all it was an AMAZING weekend. My checklist was fufilled: I saw a moose, a puffin, and sea otters, so I was happy. Oh, and I got to spend time with Jon, which was good because I hadn't seen him in months and he makes me laugh. Laughing was exactly what I needed right now with everything going on at home. I am grateful from everything Jon did and how much time he spent with me. I was kinda surprised we didn't get on each other's nerves. LOL. I did things I haven't done since I was a kid. I want to move there now! But I said that about Seattle too. We shall have to see when I graduate...which is in less than a year. So excited to leave this place and start a new chapter in my life!

Whine and Water.

This week was exactly what I needed. Though my REAL vacation isn't until July, going to California with Erin was what my mind needed. There is seriously nothing better than laying on a beach with the sand under your feet, hearing the crashing of the waves echo in your ears. While laying there I began to see the similarities of the waves to my life right now. I would say for the last year, life has been in high tide. There are huge waves that come crashing down on you, pulling you into the under current. While in the under current, you fight and kick to get a breath so you can get back to the top. But like life, we kick to try to gain control of our lives, when all we had to do is stop kicking and let the water carry us back to the surface. I know for sure that I am one of those people that have to kick first before they realize I have no control. Like the ocean, we will always have the times where waves come crashing down on us, or we lose our footing because of an unknown drop in the ocean, but it is how you recover from it. Once you get back to the surface, there is a moment where the ocean is still and serene. We are then able to gain focus and see things clearly. I know that life is not perfect. But I would rather take the beating from the rogue wave then have to take my floaties in the ocean. LOL But one a lighter note...Erin, Ashley, and I had fun. Tanning on the beach, BBQ, and a manni / pedi is the perfect way to have a girls weekend. Besides the obvious highlights of being able to hang with the girls, I have never laughed harder due to Tracy. Let's just say that I will never look at a sprinkler cover the same. LOL

Excitement.

I'm excited. This is officially my first blog post. I was a little hesitant about doing it at first, but I figured it was a little less evasive as facebook. I can get away with saying alot more on here. :)

Update for the past week: I have still been putting off getting my ticket to Alaska. Eck! Why do plane tickets have to be so much??!! But I am getting it this week. I am officially excited. A week off to visit Doug / Jon is exactly what I need. Time to laugh and enjoy life. Not that I don't get that at home. The down side to the past week=conflict of the heart. Have you ever had a friend and you didn't think that you could ever in a million years start to like them? And then you do? You have tried to tell them a hundred times how you really feel but the words just fall down into your toes and you become a mute? Yah, it has happened to me. I think that I have said something meaningful or put myself out there, and it TOTALLY does not come out the way I want to. lol URGH. Well, the upside to this week is : Sex and the City with the girls tonight and road trip with the girls this weekend. I need to just sit on a beach with my tanning oil and my iPod.