Annoyed Love.

So the past few months have been amazing and horrible at the same time. I have finally decided that I am going to move back to LA after I graduate. I figured you only live once and I need to try and start my career out there before I decide if I want to live in Vegas for the rest of my life. Work sucks as usual. I miss the days where I was excited to go to work. But I have been trying to get back to that even though two of my favorite people in the world aren't there. My mom is feeling soooo much better. PLUS, I had a little vaca which I totally needed.

These girls have kept me sane. Cheesy but true. Through boy problems to me being sick to try being there to hear me vent to late night plane rides...they have been there. And we definitely have some more memories to add to the pile. I will love them forever, not just because I do but because if I don' they have alot of back mail on me too!! (aka Sadie). But I am especially grateful because I know that I will have these girls forever. I don't need a silly valentine or stupid flowers to know that someone loves me. And I definitely don't need to post pictures about it to annoy other people. So all in all, this year's Valentine's Day was a success. Even though there is someone that I secretly care about alot and haven't told, I leave it up to the love gods, and what ever happens, happens. Bottom line, I am trying to enjoy life and the people around me. So in honor of Valentine's Day I made a list of things that I love this year:

1. Muh girls. <3

2. My mom. (always a good valentine)

3. Birchbox. (my valentine present to myself)

4. My kindle. (what I did without it I don't know)

5. Michael Kors.

6. Forever 21.

7. Sundays.

8. The Bahamas

9. Romantic encounters.

10. Little everyday surprises.

11. Kissing. (even a kiss on the cheek).

12. Kim Kardashian. (I strive for a butt like hers)

13. Sunday nights with the girls

14. Nick Minaj

and last but not least....

15. Coke.

Make It Work.

So I was sitting here. Alone. Watching "Going the Distance." And it made me think. A.) I need to start writing more. and B.) that guys make the excuse of "I don't do long distance" ALLLLL the time if that is the situation they are in. In reality, long distance relationships can work, if both people really care/love the other person and they know eventually they are going to have to move closer to each other. I know it is easier said then done but when you truly love the other person, you will do anything in your power to be with them. Move mountains, quit your dead end job, jump through fiery hoops. Anything. Like the only thing that is holding you together is them. Distance shouldn't matter. Who knows, you may be passing up the one thing that ever made sense or felt right to you.

All in all, I just wish and hope that one day I will have that heart-shattering, make you want to move across the country, sing in a love song in your underwear, smile at the thought of the person you love, watch them while you sleep kind of love.

ahsjskfkgkggjgkgk.

The upside to my sad but enlightening inner monologue is....BAHAMAS IN 15 DAYS!!!!!

I love you.

Things I secretly/openly love:

1. My family.

2. Date night with my mom.

3. Listening to thought provoking music. (i.e. Nicki Minaj to hymns)

4. Twilight movies.

5. John Hughes movies.

6. Guys who touch your face when they kiss you. Or guys who will blast music outside your bedroom window (never happened to me, but it could happen).

7. Guys in general. Or a particular guy, depending on the day.

8. My girls (you know who you are).

9. Secret meetings on Sundays. (see #9)

10. Hot chocolate on rainy nights

11. Reading on rainy nights.

12. Netflix.

13. Any Vin Diesel movie, sound is of no importance.

14. California.

15. DSW.

16. Spontaneous decisions to go to the Bahamas.

17. Shelly's facial expressions to spontaneous decisions to go to the Bahamas.

18. Chocolate.

19. Victoria's Secret

and last but not least

20. My life. I have to say that it is pretty awesome right now.

What I needed.

Like every Thanksgiving, we went back to Los Angeles where all our family is. My family is what has kept me sane, and being with them always makes me feel at home. The downside of going to LA for Thanksgiving is eating more than once for dinner. There is everything you can possibly imagine at every house we go to, but the one thing that I look forward to is my Aunt's Masocholi. It is penne pasta with every single kind of cheese you can image. It is heaven in your mouth. LOL. And this year was the first year that I have EVER cried during grace. My grandma said "Love life and it will love you back." And for some reason I felt the tears swell up in the back of my eyes and my face start to scrunch. But I recover quite quickly; I was proud of myself.

The one thing that I love about Thanksgiving is seeing all of my beautiful cousins and taking our yearly picture together. We now have a beautiful new edition to the family, Isabella. She is sooo cute and is already following the girls' footsteps of wanted to dance. She looks like one of those dolls who only moves their legs when they dance. It's soooo cute!!! But sometimes we get a little carried away with the pictures in our family.

This is the first year that I didn't go shopping on Black Friday!! I was a little disappointed. But I did find this cute little vintage shop in LA and picked up some awesome jewelry. I also got to go to the movie with my mom and grandma, which was a awesome to me because it is funny to see my grandma treat my mom the way my mom treats me. I thought of it as sweet revenge! LOL we went to see "Burlesque" in this vintage theater that my mom used to go to when she was a teenager. The theater had old fashioned curtains and only four rows. It was like stepping back in time, when REALLYY good movies were made.

The last night I was there I got to hang out with two of the best girls in the whole world, my cousins Joy and Ashley. I always laugh so hard when we see each other, maybe because we have the same silly sense of humor. We went out to dinner and then went shopping for furniture for Joy's apartment. Let's just say that you shouldn't buy furniture until you know that it will fit in the car. We made Ashley sit in the front seat with a TV stand and a mirror, squished to death. Not to mention with one turn Joy would have been decapitated by the mirror. I had never laughed so hard...and I have it alll on video tape. :)

Not to mention she likes to dress up like a homeless person. LOL

All in all, this weekend was very memorable. Saying that I love my family is an understatement. I am lucky to have such an awesome support system at home and in LA. Leaving is always bittersweet since I never know when I can get the time to go back. But I am thankful for them everyday, every minute of everyday.

Untitled.

With rain comes inspiration...

Like summer rain you come unexpectedly. A glimpse or glitter of romance on a hot day.

As quickly as you come, you retreat to your place of solitude. Some days your light penetrates the place which I need it the most. A place once filled with despair and solitude. A place so dark the strongest light could not get it. Things ceased to grow there for fear of becoming something sullen and morose. But in one unexpected moment, this once dark place trusted a new light, a brighter light. A light so tender it made me cry. With heavy, yet sweet words my heart melted at that soft sound. I never once again asked will it ever get better. His words were there always. I just had to find them within myself to hear them. A beautiful melody that was no longer an illusion.

Love

Why is it that we can take so many risks in life but the one risk we are hesitant in taking is love? For weeks this question has been haunting me. I am finally in this place where I feel happy, but the one thing that immediately brings me down from this high is the famous "what if" question. I swear, if there is any question that I could take out of the English language it would be that question. In high school it was "What if i don't get asked to prom? What if I don't sit next to the hot guy in the cafeteria? What if I don't get one of those plastic crowns at the formal dance?" Now, we ask ourselves questions like "What if I screw up this opportunity? What if this chance never comes up again? What if I second guess myself? What if I follow my heart instead of my head? I can guarantee you that most of these questions have passed through your mind when thinking about love and relationships. These questions haven't crossed my mind as much as they use to but they have tonight...all for one reason.

Every episode that I have watched there is some life lesson at the end of it. And in some odd way I find myself relating it back to whatever is going on in my life. This week the lesson was about love. Do you take the risk? Do you fight for the risk? Or do you just go throughout life not telling people what is truly bothering you until you have a nervous break down? The last couple of weeks I have been carrying around a question. I have prayed about it, and got an answer in the form of an awesome, fantastic, super sweet friend named Sadie (love you Sadie...FYI she shares in my obsession with Grey's). But I am still pondering the idea if I want to be vulnerable and jump off the cliff for love. Do I talk? Or take the vow of silence? Eventually, I will take the jump and have someone to catch my fall. Hopefully, it will be in the shape of someone that looks the Dr. McSteamy/The Rock/ Justin Timberlake. But until then I have amazing, gorgeous friends and I have Grey's.

My Hero

I don't think that I could have a better role model than my mom. Through the last couple of months she has been the strongest person ever. I didn't even think that a person could have that much strength. I never imagined I would be going through such a life changing experience with my mom so early in my life. People are soooo right when they say the circle of life comes back to your parents. Your parents take care of you and then you take care of your parents. My mom is the rock of our family. Our family could have shut down and dwelled on the situation at hand, but we decided to raise from it and always have faith. If anything I know see how much my mom does for our family: cooks, cleans, works, and still finds time to spend quality time with all of us. I am proud to say that I am my mother's daughter and can only hope that I will have the same relationship with my daughter. I LOVE YOU MOM!!